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 Dear Maria:
I’ve just come out. I’m 17 years old. Everyone is freaking. I graduated at
the very top of my class. I’m headed to a major university in L.A. and my
family is disowning me. I’ve heard there are groups that help gay guys go
normal. Can you help me?
Gay wants to be Straight
Dear Gay/Straight:
I have never done any research on these groups. I cannot get a clear
energy reading on them. I believe that is because my own prejudice makes
it impossible for me not to judge them in a negative way.
This said, you will have to make your own choice about whether or not to
join a group, regardless of my views or any one else’s perspective. I do
not wish you to dismiss them out of hand because of my prejudice. You need
to do your own research.
I would, however, recommend that you research groups that support gay
people and help them balance your particular issues around coming out, in
addition to the groups that help gays become “normal”.
Your family needs time to adjust to this situation. They need time to
balance their prejudices and to remember how important and special you are
to your family. There are groups to help them make this move. You need
time to adjust to the pain they have inflicted upon you before you look
for a “cure.”
One thing I am absolutely certain of and I can offer this perspective to
you without hesitation. Owning who we are, owing our lives, our beliefs,
our perspectives, our balances and our imbalances, our goodness and our
darkness, our greatness and our being is the only way I can see to
resolving any conflict in our lives.
We cannot deny or refuse ourselves. This creates more disharmony and
imbalance. All we can ever do is to accept our self and to honor who we
are. With this particular balance in place, I believe we have a grounding
place from which we can evolve in a balanced, healthy way.
Dear Maria:
I have tons of gay friends and go to gay clubs all the time. Last week, I
saw my girlfriend’s husband in a gay club. He was dancing really close to
another guy. He hid from me when he saw me, but I cornered him. He begged
me not to tell her. I love gay men and know they need their fun, but I
feel like I am betraying my girlfriend if I don’t tell her and her husband
if I do. What should I do?
In the Middle
Dear Middle:
My sense of this is that if you had seen your best friend’s husband with a
woman you would have told her without hesitation. You do realize this is
not a gay issue, but a cheating issue?
It appears that you want to be loyal to the husband solely because he is
gay/bi? This makes no sense to me. Reverse prejudice is just as
disharmonious as prejudice. This is your issue and why the Universe “put
you in the middle.”
I would recommend that you talk to the husband and give him some kind of
time limit agreeable to both of you in which he tells his wife about his
cheating. If he does not talk to his wife, I believe that you must
intervene.
Cheating changes the very nature of a relationship. Is he using condoms?
His wife has a right to know if she is at risk for venereal disease. Does
she trust him with her life? Has she made a life and a future with him?
Are there children?
Being in the middle is an uncomfortable place. Standing by and watching
someone’s world fall into disarray and playing no part in the healing is
akin to watching a tiny child play in the middle of busy street and not
stopping him. Granted, these are adults, but your friend is at risk.
You do not need to tell her how to handle her business. I am not saying
that you should berate or humiliate the husband. What I am saying is that
this is a dangerous and harmful situation and you have a balancing key.
Use it wisely, without judgment and without rancor.
To my Letter Writers:
Please be as specific and detailed as possible in your letters. Your
letter will be edited to fit the column. Energy readings are merely
interpretations of the energy you put into your letters. The more details
and information you give me, the closer the reading will be.
Contact me at:
MariaEttaAnabel@aol.com |