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Past Editions |
 After
30, sex isn’t what it used to be - but that’s not necessarily a bad thing.
Like wine, cheese and Richard Gere, intimacy improves with age.
There was a time when sex meant 10 minutes at Pinto with steamed-up
windows and streetlights for ambiance, a time when boys were nervous and
eager, and everything, even a stick shift stuck in your ribs, felt like
love.
Well, as the saying goes, that was then-and this is now. Sex, with age,
invariably changes. Desires evolve, other responsibilities compete for
time, and children of your own start necking in steamy backseats. But that
doesn’t mean sex dies. We live in a youth-worshipping culture where
there’s a danger in romanticizing sex of the past. It’s all too easy to
let memories of the libidinous forays of youth cloud your perspective on
sex in the here and now, and it’s oh so important to get past that. “Good
sexual chemistry alone-that existing, explosive,
we-can-hardly-wait-to-do-it feeling can sustain itself for a year or two,
tops” says Fran D. Ferder, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist in Seattle.
“After that there needs to be growth and intimacy taking place on every
level of a relationship in order for sexual intimacy to continue.”
If partners work on communicating, sharing activities and enjoying each
other’s worlds as much as possible, the changes that occur over time will
be welcome ones. Indeed, many 30-plus people say the notion of sexual
satisfaction declining with age is a myth akin to the one that says nonfat
frozen yogurt tastes like ice cream.
While sex after 30 may not feel as fiery as it did when you were 18,
maturity offers other benefits. Age brings wisdom, patience and a profound
desire to be caressed, not mauled. After 30, it seems that many people
think, “I not only know what I want and when I want it, but I now know how
to ask for it.” And I feel comfortable doing so, something I never would
have done when I was 22.” The key to avoiding boredom and other pitfalls
of post-30 sex is being conscious of what to expect psychologically and
physiologically. Knowledge is your best weapon. Sexual patterns change
often throughout our lives. With knowledge, you can rewrite the script and
create a more realistic, fulfilling relationship.
The 30s: Sexual Self-Confidence
In the 30s men and women start taking more sexual initiative. They know
lovemaking can be better and are glad to leave behind the so-called hot
sex of their teens, when they were more acquiescent and passive.
The 40s: Liberating Libido
Men and women in their 40s have usually achieved a certain measure of
sexual security and emotional maturity. They start becoming more
compatible. It takes men and women time to get past their biological (and
socially reinforced) imperatives. Ideally, the sense of intimacy couples
feel will finally allow them to share fantasies and to experiment with
lovemaking techniques they may have been too inhibited to try in their
younger years.
The 50s: relaxed and Romantic
“Fifties sex is even more intimate, largely due to changes in the man,” Dr
Ferder says. This is the time when partners can be most perfectly matched
sexually and emotionally. Their cares are under control and couples have
more time, less pressure and fewer worries that they did even a decade
earlier. A common history, a mature eroticism, depth-all of these combine
to make fifty something lovers more romantic, sexier lovers. They are
finally sharing the driving, in every respect. Many men greet their
fifties with trepidation, however. They believe that older sex is less
exciting, maybe even impossible. The frequency of erections drops
slightly, and it takes more than visual stimulation to coax a salute. But
the benefit of starting slow is finishing slow. What older men don’t know
is that the erections they do get will last longer and may even be fuller
that the quickies of their youth.. |