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 Whenever a friend
succeeds, a little something in me dies. It’s an ugly component of the
male psyche. We are competitive that we can’t really rejoice in even our
closest friends’ successes. Because we are unnerved by their gains.
Because we see them getting ahead, which means we imagine ourselves being
left behind.
We re constantly sizing up the other guy, trying to figure out how well
we’re doing by measuring how well he’s doing. And this incessant
competition takes a toll on us over time. It’s a trap. See, when we really
get started in life, in our 20s, we’re up against everyone in our age
category. By the time we approach middle age, we’re competing not only
with people our age, but also with all the people who came after us. Every
year, a whole new batch of competitors emerges. And every year, it gets
harder and harder to match the hatch. It’s a trap I fall into myself from
time to time. To counter it, and to keep my sanity, I stop and do a little
exercise. It goes like this: First, I think about where I was, say, 10
years ago. And I think about the men I knew then, and how they were faring
in their lives. Compared to me, some seemed to have it made others looked
like they’d never amount to anything Then I move ahead to today. That
buddy who had the great job in a prestigious law firm right out of
college? He’s still trying to make partner, and he got nailed in a
terrible divorce. The guy who tempted for five years while trying to make
it as an actor? Owns a string of running-shoe stores now, and I hear one
of the big chains might be buying him out. Sure, some guys shot up like
rockets and kept going. And some never got their heads together. But the
point is, you can’t really take a snapshot of success. It’s an
evolutionary process. Where you were 10 years ago isn’t an accurate
measure of how well you’re succeeding in life. And where you were now
isn’t, either. I try to keep this in mind every time I’m feeling a little
envious or too full of myself. Of course, this doesn’t mean I ever really
stop competing. I just try to confine my efforts to areas where I can get
tangible personal benefits: the health and the happiness kind.
One of the central tenets of being a man is wondering how you measure up.
We find it necessary to compare our state of affairs to the guy idling in
the Jag at the spotlight.
What you need is an easier way to see where you stand in life’s great
lineup.
Why do we have to measure up against the next guy? Is he stronger? Faster?
A better lover? Stop comparing!!!!
Some tips to stop comparing you to the next guy:
Why don’t you start by being monogamous? Contrary to what you’ve been told
by your single pal, if you want to have as much sex as possible before you
die, one warm body will do. “A man who sticks to one partner has more sex
than a man with two, three, even four partners during the course of a
year. A man with many partners spends less time having sex and more time
planning on it. Men with more than one sex partner report being less
healthy than monogamous men.
You know you can do better than the rest. Change your expectations of life
and stop comparing yourself to what is not worthy. |